Out of complete (alcohol-fueled) boredom while I'm waiting for something to compile, I'm going to grace the Internet with the recesses of my mind and tell you all what it's like to be a genuine Linux personâ„¢. However, there are a lot of pretend Linux people so before I begin, I want to dispel some misconceptions.

The most important is that real Linux people do not use Ubuntu. I'm completely serious. Using Ubuntu and calling yourself a Linux person is like riding a bicycle with a freewheel and calling yourself a hipster. FOOL! Real hipsters ride fixed gear bikes. That isn't to say that Linux people are hipsters, but they are kind of like hipsters without being pretentious as fuck. We also eat meat and don't wear flannel. But anyways, the point here is that only posers use Ubuntu. Okay? Okay. Moving on.

Another misconception is that Linux people constantly proclaim how amazing Linux is and passive-aggressively encourage you to change operating systems and flaunt their opinion of what distribution you should use. This is just completely untrue. First off, real Linux people don't give a flying fuck what operating system or Linux distribution that you use. We're like that quiet guy at the bar that doesn't tell you what kind of drink you should get, but is silently judging you based on what you order. That said, Linux fanboys are the overly irritating, sometimes emotionally stunted, numbskulls that preach their opinion like it's divine scripture. These people are a type of sub-human that are closely related to "bros". Bros are the annoying, preppy douchebags that hit on anything with two legs and a vagina, recommending shitty drinks to random ladies at the bar. Don't confuse us with these kinds of sub-creatures.

Anyways, those were probably the two biggest misconceptions so... moving on!

Being a real Linux person is sort of like being Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. You either know your The One (did anyone else realize that 'Neo' is 'One' spelled backwards?) and you are or you don't and you aren't. When you need to do something like figure out why a certain program isn't working or troubleshoot some network card issue, you just know what to do like putting your hand out and stopping bullets mid-air. You don't even think about it. You just do it (okay, there are some occasions that you don't know exactly what to do so that's why you go consult the Oracle).

Probably the most important thing to understand about Linux people is that we think in text because real Linux people generally prefer working in a shell prompt. With this in mind, any Linux person knows how to script stuff in BASH to some degree, but they probably also know a little Perl and Python too. We don't always know Java, because who wants to fill their brain with such a pointless thing as Java?

Ultimately, being a real Linux person is accepting and understanding that you've reached a level of experience in a very obscure and uncommon skillset that not many people do (and there's always room for improvement). You also realize that the more people know you're a Linux person, the more people will come to you asking questions and needing advice, so keeping your mouth shut and not bragging about what you know is a survival skill.

P.S. Linux people are sarcastic like none other. We also make good drinking partners because our livers are next to invincible. It's a thing.